Baby Teo

Oh how this picture warms my heart. It is perhaps my favorite photo of Mateo and me. It's not in a frame where I can catch a glimpse of it each day, instead it lives in my bedside table. I think I do this so I can pull it out and rediscover it, and feel the same rush of emotions I get each time I look at it. I am always immediately transported back to that cool day in Santa Fe, New Mexico where the three of us, a brand new family, were out exploring. Matt was there for work, and Mateo and I were there to hang out. It was a blissful time I will never forget. 

Each time I look at this, it feels as though he is looking right into the deepest part of me and telling me he trusts me and that he's glad we've been connected in this life. I look at myself and see a young, new mother who is drunk with the profound and graceful love that had suddenly permeated her life. I couldn't believe I had been deserving of such an extraordinary gift. 

Now that we are on the eve of this little baby turning FIVE, today I had to hold back tears that I will never share those tender baby moments with him again. But when I look at him now, I do feel much excitement for the future. The way he says to me now, "Mama, I love you, sweet as a heart." How when I blow him kisses he catches them with his hand then puts his hand over his heart. I know tomorrow and the rest of our time together will be filled with things that will make happy to be alive and honored to be his mother. 

Happy Birthday, dear, dear heart.